Cancer Isn't Pretty

So far all I've really talked about is the 'fluff' surrounding this whole cancer thing, but I decided that it was important for people to really understand what it's like.

The person that took this picture has been punished

This is how I spend 95% of my time. I'm exhausted. Not only pyshically exhausted, but spiritually, emotionally, and mentally EXHAUSTED!

My body is tried from the chemo. I feel like I've gained back the 210 pounds and I'm lugging it around with me. Simple things like washing dishes, or changing Isaac's diaper are hard for me to do most days.

My spirit is tired of fighting. To wake up each morning knowing it's going to be hard to simply get out of bed, makes me want to just go back to sleep and not wake up. Knowing that I can't sit through church and enjoy it because I hurt, bothers me deeply! To know that I can't lift Isaac out of his crib makes me want to cry.

My emotions are over the top because I can't care for my own children and it kills me inside to only be able to see them for an hour a day. I feel like I'm slowly killing my poor parents! They are running after three little boys all day long! It's their golden retirement years and they've got 3 little boys to raise because I'm too sick to do it myself.

And spiritually, this has been a roller coaster. Some days I'm praying constantly for help and others I'm wondering how in the world a loving Father in Heaven could make me go through this. Yes, I know this too shall come to pass, but when I'm sick, missing my kids, and home all by myself, it's not that easy to remember.
Gratefully, in another 10 days we will leave for the Monterey house. There, I can be in the same house as my parents AND my kids all day long. I can still be an active part of my kids daily lives but I can nap as much as I need to. I will be flying home for the two scheduled chemotherapy treatments in the time we're gone. I'm looking forward to the change in scenery and climate!!

Who wants to come visit???? HOLLY?!?!?!? ;)